Addictions and Women
It is helpful for a couples therapist working with clients involved in 12-Step Recovery to have some knowledge of 12-Step program, values and traditions. A common struggle for any couple is creating intimacy and support balanced with allowing for individual differences and autonomy. Maintaining mutual respect for separate choices while having shared goals and values is essential in a long-term relationship.
Problems can arise when partners may have started out in a 12 Step program together and one decides to leave or has a relapse. Other issues arise when from the beginning , one is involved in 12 Step and the other is not. It can be natural for one to feel the loss of mutual support or even feel their own recovery is at risk. A therapist who is familiar with the spiritual foundation of 12-Step Programs and who is comfortable with the structure, language and model of recovery, then can help a couple trying to navigate through the difficulties in relatioship that arise from such differences.
Marlena Kushner, MFT
Women’s Therapy Services
More and more high school and college age women are experiencing blackouts. Blackouts occur when you drink a lot of alcohol in a short amount of time, and an empty stomach or being tired increase the risks of a blackout happening. The drama unfolds in your brain, where memory receptors get blocked, so you aren’t forgetting anything—you are actually not forming memories. You can do anything a fully functioning person can do while you are blacked out. It’s just that you aren’t in control of what you are doing or able to give consent to things you don’t want to happen. People you are with may not be able to tell that you are blacked out because you might seem normal or only slightly inebriated. And you may say or do things that you would never do sober.
Blackouts are usually very scary, and can feel shameful. If you are experiencing them, it is important to try to cut down on what you are drinking, eat before you start drinking and during the time you are drinking, and drink more slowly. In this day and age of all night partying this advice may sound impossible to do, especially when all your friends are also drinking heavily. And for some women, drinking and partying is the way they go about meeting guys.
If you find that dating is hard to do sober, drinking can feel like it gives you confidence and helps you feel less anxious or awkward. However, many women report that they have sex much more often drunk than sober, and the experience of waking up in a stranger’s bed not remembering how you got there or what happened can be terrifying on many levels—because it is humiliating, because you may not have used birth control, because you are worried about getting an STD, and because you may feel like you have been raped but can’t remember what happened. And these behaviors and worries are certainly going to have a negative impact on your self-esteem.
to continue reading on this topic go to alcohol blackouts.com
How could this be me? This is the question most women find themselves asking as they realize they have a drinking or drug problem. Usually this question arises after many difficult experiences including: drinking and driving, getting a DUI, physical injuries/accidents, blackouts, sexual encounters that would not have happened sober, poor work performance, hangovers, a run-down immune system, shame, self-loathing, etc. Unfortunately, alcohol and drug problems do not announce themselves directly, and one of the primary features of these problems is the ability to deny and rationalize them away, even after repeated negative consequences that are clearly related to drinking or using
Did you know that women are the fastest growing segment of substance abusers in the US? That substance disorders in women are under-recognized and under-treated? That virtually all drugs including alcohol are far more damaging to women’s bodies than men’s? That women experience more social disapproval for their alcohol use? That alcoholic women are more stigmatized than men? That women with substance use problems are more likely than men to have experienced trauma and to have higher rates of concurrent psychiatric problems? If you have this problem, then you may know that these statements are true.
More questions arise. How do I know if I have a problem? What do I do to get help? How can I battle the demon of denial—(it’s not that bad, I can just have a few, I’ll deal with this tomorrow.)? How can I battle the demons of shame and self-loathing—(I’m a miserable idiot, why can’t I just stop/drink normally like everyone else, what could I have said or done during my black-out.)?
Most people have heard about Alcoholic’s Anonymous, and many of you reading this may have already tried it.
To read more go to women-and-drinking.com
Phyllis Klein, LCSW
At Women’s Therapy Services we see many young adult women who have left home for the first time. This time of transition is very important in getting “launched” into adult life. Going through changes like leaving home, moving, starting a new job, can sometimes bring on depression. There are so many adjustments to be made and changes, even good ones can be stressful and anxiety producing. The losses involved in letting go of the security of family, home, old friends can bring up depression, feelings of insecurity, and fear of the future. Signs of depression could include problems with eating and sleeping, either too much or too little, difficulty concentrating, low mood, crying, and irritability. Sometimes these thoughts and feeling pass on their own and sometimes getting help is very useful.
San Francisco is a place many young people come when they are getting started in adult life on their own. The costs for living expenses are so high that many young women find themselves in roommate situations, or if they can afford it, have small studio apartments. Some people take the opportunity to try living with their significant other. In any situation, life after leaving your parent’s home will have joys and challenges.
To read more go to leaving-home.com
Phyllis Klein, LCSW