Addictions and Women
Which comes first? – Experiencing depression which makes you want to drink , or drinking and then feeling depressed from the effects of alcohol. The cause and effect relationship between the two may be quite confusing. People often do drink more when they are depressed – to numb the emotional pain and to escape life’s problems. Alcohol however is basically a depressant so eventually after an initial high the very real physiological effects of alcohol will actually bring you down. Along with that, sometimes the unpleasant consequences of drinking too much – causing trouble at work or in relationships- add to the depression. It may take outside help to sort out how to get out of this unhealthy cycle – with both the depression and drinking feeding each other. Speaking to someone you trust like a knowledgeable friend or going to a professional counselor or therapist can help to shed light on these issues and offer some positive solutions. A therapist can aid in evaluating what kind of help would best address your particular circumstances. The bottom line is to acknowledge that you need help and then ask for it…. There is treatment for depression as well as drinking problems.
Since women tend to be more vulnerable to the physical consequences of alcoholism, it is important to try to catch a drinking problem early. What are the warning signs that you might have a problem?
1. Other people express concern about your drinking.
If this is happening to you especially if the concern is coming from a close friend, family member, or partner, it is important to pay attention. Remember that your drinking friends might tell you you have nothing to worry about, but the nature of drinking problems is the strong desire to avoid or deny and group denial can be a powerful force.
2. Do you repeatedly tell yourself that you will limit your drinking and find that you are unsuccessful?
Include “going on the wagon” here–even if you can stop drinking for a time, that is not a sign that you are not in trouble. It is how you drink when you are drinking that points to a problem.
3. Does your mood change when you are drinking?
Sometimes women drink to self-medicate for depression. However, alcohol is a depressant and actually will cause your depression to get worse. Alcohol can also cause you to be angry and argumentative. Are you having more arguments with people when you are drinking?
4. Do you drink alone?
If you are starting to crave glasses of wine with your dinner or bottles of wine before you go to sleep, this can be a sign of trouble. And although drinking may help you get to bed, it can also disrupt your sleep cycle during the night.
5. Blackouts
Although not always a sign of addiction, blackouts are a warning sign from your brain telling you that you have had too much to drink. They are scary and can be shameful, but paying attention to them by getting information and seeking help can be invaluable.
To summarize, as a woman your body is more susceptible to the risks of too much alcohol. The Crossroads is an alcohol treatment program located in Maine. They have a wonderful blog. Today’s post http://www.crossroadsme.org/blog/ lists the risks to women with serious alcohol problems as the following:
*Alcoholic women develop cirrhosis, damage of the heart muscle (i.e., cardiomyopathy), and nerves (i.e., peripheral neuropathy) after fewer years of heavy drinking than alcoholic men.*Women develop organ damage faster, and at lower levels of alcohol consumption then men because a woman’s body generally has less water than a man’s causing their blood alcohol content to reach higher level, faster. * Adolescent girls who consume even moderate amounts of alcohol may experience disrupted growth and puberty. Heavy drinking in adult women can disrupt normal menstrual cycling and reproductive functions. Alcohol abuse and alcoholism can cause women to suffer from infertility, increased risk for spontaneous abortion, and impaired fetal growth and development.
I list these risks, not to scare you, but to ask, wouldn’t it be preferable to look into your drinking before it got to a point of such potential damage? If you or someone who loves you is concerned about your drinking, getting help can feel really hard. However, there are many ways to reach out without being judged.
If you have questions and live in the San Francisco Bay Area feel free to email staff@womenstherapyservices.com. In other areas check the internet for resources that seem like a good fit for you.
Many people long to stop overeating. Yet when food is a main source of comfort and pleasure, just wanting to stop often doesn’t work. What is as convenient, comforting and soothing as food? Even when you know overeating has its negative and destructive consequences, it is hard to stop. Finding the right alternative support, nurturing and comfort is a huge challenge when there is such a dependency on food. Stopping compulsive overeating can be done but it is complicated. It can be easy to think it’s simple to stop and then attack yourself when you do the same old destructive behavior. Developing healthy eating habits is a process. Understanding the feelings underlying the overeating, finding the right external support and activities to replace the focus on food and being compassionate to oneself in making changes – all help.
Radical compassionate self-care in the most positive way is a key to recovery from compulsive overeating.
It is helpful for a couples therapist working with clients involved in 12-Step Recovery to have some knowledge of 12-Step program, values and traditions. A common struggle for any couple is creating intimacy and support balanced with allowing for individual differences and autonomy. Maintaining mutual respect for separate choices while having shared goals and values is essential in a long-term relationship.
Problems can arise when partners may have started out in a 12 Step program together and one decides to leave or has a relapse. Other issues arise when from the beginning , one is involved in 12 Step and the other is not. It can be natural for one to feel the loss of mutual support or even feel their own recovery is at risk. A therapist who is familiar with the spiritual foundation of 12-Step Programs and who is comfortable with the structure, language and model of recovery, then can help a couple trying to navigate through the difficulties in relatioship that arise from such differences.
Marlena Kushner, MFT
Women’s Therapy Services
More and more high school and college age women are experiencing blackouts. Blackouts occur when you drink a lot of alcohol in a short amount of time, and an empty stomach or being tired increase the risks of a blackout happening. The drama unfolds in your brain, where memory receptors get blocked, so you aren’t forgetting anything—you are actually not forming memories. You can do anything a fully functioning person can do while you are blacked out. It’s just that you aren’t in control of what you are doing or able to give consent to things you don’t want to happen. People you are with may not be able to tell that you are blacked out because you might seem normal or only slightly inebriated. And you may say or do things that you would never do sober.
Blackouts are usually very scary, and can feel shameful. If you are experiencing them, it is important to try to cut down on what you are drinking, eat before you start drinking and during the time you are drinking, and drink more slowly. In this day and age of all night partying this advice may sound impossible to do, especially when all your friends are also drinking heavily. And for some women, drinking and partying is the way they go about meeting guys.
If you find that dating is hard to do sober, drinking can feel like it gives you confidence and helps you feel less anxious or awkward. However, many women report that they have sex much more often drunk than sober, and the experience of waking up in a stranger’s bed not remembering how you got there or what happened can be terrifying on many levels—because it is humiliating, because you may not have used birth control, because you are worried about getting an STD, and because you may feel like you have been raped but can’t remember what happened. And these behaviors and worries are certainly going to have a negative impact on your self-esteem.
to continue reading on this topic go to alcohol blackouts.com
How could this be me? This is the question most women find themselves asking as they realize they have a drinking or drug problem. Usually this question arises after many difficult experiences including: drinking and driving, getting a DUI, physical injuries/accidents, blackouts, sexual encounters that would not have happened sober, poor work performance, hangovers, a run-down immune system, shame, self-loathing, etc. Unfortunately, alcohol and drug problems do not announce themselves directly, and one of the primary features of these problems is the ability to deny and rationalize them away, even after repeated negative consequences that are clearly related to drinking or using
Did you know that women are the fastest growing segment of substance abusers in the US? That substance disorders in women are under-recognized and under-treated? That virtually all drugs including alcohol are far more damaging to women’s bodies than men’s? That women experience more social disapproval for their alcohol use? That alcoholic women are more stigmatized than men? That women with substance use problems are more likely than men to have experienced trauma and to have higher rates of concurrent psychiatric problems? If you have this problem, then you may know that these statements are true.
More questions arise. How do I know if I have a problem? What do I do to get help? How can I battle the demon of denial—(it’s not that bad, I can just have a few, I’ll deal with this tomorrow.)? How can I battle the demons of shame and self-loathing—(I’m a miserable idiot, why can’t I just stop/drink normally like everyone else, what could I have said or done during my black-out.)?
Most people have heard about Alcoholic’s Anonymous, and many of you reading this may have already tried it.
To read more go to women-and-drinking.com
Phyllis Klein, LCSW
At Women’s Therapy Services we see many young adult women who have left home for the first time. This time of transition is very important in getting “launched” into adult life. Going through changes like leaving home, moving, starting a new job, can sometimes bring on depression. There are so many adjustments to be made and changes, even good ones can be stressful and anxiety producing. The losses involved in letting go of the security of family, home, old friends can bring up depression, feelings of insecurity, and fear of the future. Signs of depression could include problems with eating and sleeping, either too much or too little, difficulty concentrating, low mood, crying, and irritability. Sometimes these thoughts and feeling pass on their own and sometimes getting help is very useful.
San Francisco is a place many young people come when they are getting started in adult life on their own. The costs for living expenses are so high that many young women find themselves in roommate situations, or if they can afford it, have small studio apartments. Some people take the opportunity to try living with their significant other. In any situation, life after leaving your parent’s home will have joys and challenges.
To read more go to leaving-home.com
Phyllis Klein, LCSW